I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
