The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
