Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
