For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
