I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
