My cat gives me a boner
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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