He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
