I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
