I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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