Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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