bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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