I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
