Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
