Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
