apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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