Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
