I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
