i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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