honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
