I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
