i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
