I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
