Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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