Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize