So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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