I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
