ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
