she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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