i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
