Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
