It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
