sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
soo... how was my night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
