is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize