haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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