Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
