On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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