office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
