Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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