I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
