You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize