I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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