1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
