just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
