Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
