I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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