I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
