There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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