I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
