Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
