just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
