I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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