.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
