he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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