My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
