Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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