it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
