Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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