Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
