you win again, gameday.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
