I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
