these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
