Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
