I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
