She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
