How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
