I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
