Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
