Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
