just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
